Oh, the horn. How we have come to loathe thee. To be honest, I have never been a horn-honker. Have I used it? Yes. Have I used it angrily? Maybe. But I can probably count the total times on both hands. And Jason? Definitely not a horn-honker. The man is so methodical about what he does - he can’t fathom why I would ever need to honk at someone. Even when they deserve it, he’ll look at me and say ”Do you feel better?”.
But need I remind you, we’re not in (Ar)Kansas anymore, Toto. No, no, we are in the land of horns. I’ve mentioned the overwhelming sensory experience that is India. But the horns - the horns take it to the next level.
Let’s tackle driving first. There’s 2-wheelers (scooters and motorcycles) and there’s 4-wheeler’s (cars, suvs, buses, taxis, etc). Tuk-tuk’s fall somewhere in the middle. And like any road, you would expect at least 2 lanes of opposing traffic. Pretty standard, so far. One small change - we drive on the left side of the road here. And that, my friends, is where rules, standards, laws, suggestions, all go right out the window. There are no stop signs, no yield signs, no stop lights (okay, like 2 so far), NOTHING. No center line or divider, no street striping, no shoulders, nada.
This is where we introduce The Horn.
Horns have a lot of meanings here. “I see you.” “Go ahead.” “You are in my way.” “Don’t go.” “Go.” “You have room, go around.” “I am going to pass you.” “Don’t move, because I am passing you.” “I see you so I am not going to hit you, I’m just going to come very very close so don’t touch your brakes or do anything differently while I HONK at you.” Basically, in summary, the horn is a disclaimer that says “I am pulling out in front of you or going to do something else stupid, but it is your fault if there is a wreck because I honked.”
So EVERYONE HONKS. All the time.
Most of the time it doesn’t bother us. But when it is HOT, you are sweating, you have been on a scooter for 30 minutes in crazy traffic with no traffic laws - all while being honked at at least 277 times; sometimes it just feels like 1 more honk and it is O.V.E.R. Jesus, take the wheel. Or take their wheel. Or do something.
The title of this post - “Horn OK Please” - is as ambigious as everything else in India. It’s on the back of every large vehicle. What does it mean? Your guess is as good as mine. Funny, I think it’s the only time we’ve heard the word “please” used in India.
Let me assure you, nothing about that horn is OK. Or mannerly.